Lady GaGa: The Meat Monster

There are so many reasons to dislike this specimen that it’s difficult to know where to begin and so I find myself apologising for the cliché I have used to introduce this particular polemic. Whether it’s her badly written (and delivered, by the way) attempts at socio- political critiques on the gay rights front or the oxymoronic manner in which she claims to hate money whilst using her revenues to produce ostentatious displays of ambiguous pomposity that purport to have a deeper meaning than the banal and vague statements she issues from her pretentious pulpit, there are many reasons not to go Gaga over this Lady.

                The first thing to point out when revealing just how laughable this woman’s posturing really is, is that we’ve seen people doing this sort of thing before and a lot better at that. David Bowie, undoubtedly and influence on Gaga, underwent many identity changes and flirted with androgyny from the off- his aesthetic innovations combined with iconic chart successes helped to establish a new movement in Pop music known as Glam Rock. Marilyn Manson, whilst not to my taste, shocked audiences worldwide with his fascistic imagery and not only flirted with but shagged androgyny with a strap on until it hurt before offering explanations that were (to many) surprisingly coherent and intriguing. Lady Gaga, on the other dildo, is the latest in a long line of imitators of the shock tactic but has not the decency to add any youthful spine to this dinosaur and instead offers sensationalist one liners that sound like white noise to anybody within ear shot. No real or justifiable explanation is ever offered for her outrageous imagery and it seems like this is a case of style over substance which (judging by her chart success) is obviously enough to satisfy the masses, but not me.

                The thing that really sickens me about this monstrosity is the fact that she expects her audience’s jaw to hit the floor with a resounding thud when she does something as fundamentally un- shocking as dressing up as a member of the opposite sex...  at the VMA awards show in America. For the benefit of the reader, I live in a town called Bolton- a small minded town known best for eating pigs’ feet, a shit football team and a man stupid enough to risk his marriage by texting a page 3 model asking to see a picture of her tits, and even here whilst I see those around me being reluctantly nudged closer to cosmopolitan decency would a woman dressed as a man or vice versa cause little stir. Imagine then, the effect on a contingent of music industry successes who have seen it all before... I am confident that you comprehend my meaning.

                See, it’s the un-shocking nature of wannabe shockers that makes me cringe right down to my testicles, and I’m afraid that if this particular agent of controversy doesn’t shut the fuck up soon I may die of embarrassment. In the mean time I shall have to ignore her to annoy her (present article excepted), in the hope that one day she will realise the genuinely negative effect (if any at all) she has had on political progress by trivialising it as part of her deranged circus act.  

                Just in case for, whatever reason, you are not yet convinced of the pathetic and revolting nature of this woman’s music, consider for a moment the following. She, for all of her screaming, shouting, flapping and frogs heads has little, if anything, useful to actually say. I challenge you to deconstruct some of her songs- research her most controversial titles and see if there’s anything tangible that can be applied to mainstream society or the conservative right wing she so despises. Perhaps try and decipher the powerful and intelligent implications of the song “Judas”? When you have failed to do so you shall reach the same conclusion I have; that her displays are adolescent in nature and clichéd in execution, while her music is not in any manner innovative or particularly distinctive (other than that incessant “ra-ra” noise she makes which sounds more like a cricket being subjected to the electric chair than anything)and her flirtations with headline grabbing topics for discussion are skin deep. The sad thing is that she’ll probably be revered as some sort of outrageous icon in 20 or so years. Pathetic.